This Thanksgiving I am thankful for Heartbreak!
I know it might be a silly thing to say but it is kind of where I landed after a really crazy Thanksgiving week. As many of you know at least if you have been reading my latest blog posts I have ventured into the world of dating and seeing as I am kinda new to the area and don’t have many social circles and really don’t love the idea of going to a bar by myself to meet people I have ventured into dating via a couple different dating apps. I have tried a few and have had some good and bad experiences with a few of them. I am going to share a vague version of one of those stories with you today. I will not be sharing pictures or full names or even tell you which app I was using at the time. I will say that overall this was an incredible experience while it was happening to end with an abrupt and heartbreaking ghosting! If you are not familiar with what I mean when I say ghosting I will take a moment to explain so you don’t have to Google it. Ghosting is when someone you have been talking to via digital means basically stops all forms of communication often without notice and occasionally in the middle of a conversation… sometimes going as far as to block you on those forms of communication. That being said I will start with my story.
So on Tuesday night the week of Thanksgiving, I was swiping on one of my apps when an incredibly handsome mans face pops up and I remember thinking to myself please let this man have a bio. (Because if you don’t I swipe left!) and he did and it was funny and he had just the right info to be intriguing to me. So I swiped right. Like an hour or so later he swiped right and we matched. I messaged him asking how long he had been in town and we started chatting. As I always am I was upfront about the fact that I don’t hook up (sadly this is something I have to start most of these conversations out with but it saves me a lot of drama and doesn’t waste anyone’s time.) His response was that he loathes Hookups and thinks it is one of the worst things about our culture. He was upfront about the fact that he was only in town for the holiday week visiting his family but that he normally lived and worked in DC. I said I was always glad to make friends and hear peoples stories so we could at least chat and see what happened and if there was a connection we could cross that bridge when we came to it. (I will add this side note I have been in North Carolina now for a few months but still don’t feel very settled so if the right situation came along and God was in it I would be willing to move to a new place right now) So we chatted for a while and found that we had quite a few similar interests. I will also say form the start he made it very clear that he found me very attractive and again I found him very attractive. So finding similar interests we discussed the possibility of meeting on Friday evening before he left town on Saturday. He gave me his number and we moved the conversation off the app. Before saying goodnight he did something none of the guys I had talked to online had done. He asked if He could text me in the morning. To which I responded telling him he could and thanking him for asking! That night before going to bed I texted one of my friends who is also dating via app to because we have recently bonded and shared some of our stories, we also hold each other accountable and keep each other in check through the process of dating. I told her all about this guy I just matched with and that I really felt a chemistry even from our short conversation.
I am not sure how much detail I will go into during this next part because in over 48 hours there were over 500+ texts back and forth and a phone call. The long and short of it was, that every time he would answer a question, even one I didn’t ask this man was checking another box on my list. On top of that, he was very verbal about the fact that the more he learned about me the more he was convinced I was his dream girl. I was everything he had hoped for in a partner for life and I the fact that wanted something of substance and depth, not something shallow and temporary made it harder for him to think about leaving to go home to DC. At one point while having a very open discussion and his response to one of my points was two words: Marry Me! So after less than 24 hours, I had been proposed to by a guy I had never met. The crazy thing is feeling so aligned on so many points it almost seemed right. I may have at one point in the next day or so actually considered his offer of marriage because like I said my season has had me feeling very unsettled and this man was offering me a life I thought I could only have dreamed possible and again he was answering all the questions correctly. I felt like I had found my person in this world. All throughout this conversation, there was never anything inappropriate being said. Wednesday evening we spoke on the phone which I asked for because I wanted to make sure I was actually talking to someone who is at least from where he said he was. The voice on the phone was pleasant, sincere and had the right accent for where he told me he grew up. We didn’t talk long but we connected even more because we talked. We texted quite late into the night.
By Thursday my heart was all in. I was so distracted thinking about him and the life we could have together I burnt my breakfast. I wanted to meet him, to see if this connection would hold up in person. I spent most of our Thanksgiving dinner thinking about him. I have never really been in love but I think I was maybe for the first time feeling at least a little of that.Because it was Thanksgiving we didn’t text much until after all the festivities. But after texting for a little while suddenly he went dark for 14 hours. I was so scared and confused because the next day was Friday and we were supposed to meet before he left. Friday morning I was on the phone with my mom talking through my feelings about the situation and processing why it is that all these guys I connect with just disappear into thin air. This was looking like another ghosting. But this one was devastating because it seemed like we were so connected so aligned. After talking and praying with her, I was finishing the call when a text come through on my phone from him saying his niece thought it would be funny to hide his phone last night and they just found it that morning. Also that I still had his heart and that he was going to see me that evening and maybe again on Saturday before he flew back to DC. I had to work most of the day so we texted on and off through the day asking random questions to pass the time and such. That evening he said he was having dinner with his family because he didn’t want to disappoint his mom. But that we would meet somewhere after 9.
At a little, after 9 he texted me this: Sorry! Getting in the car going to head toward downtown and see if I can find somewhere to meet. Google was no help.
This is after 9 pm and we are in a very small town in North Carolina. They roll up their sidewalks at 9 so I knew he was not going to have any luck so I texted several times to tell him, after realizing he was probably driving, I tried to call him to find that the number has been disconnected or was no longer in service. (Which means upon sending me that text he basically blocked my number so I could not call him) Of course, this did not occur to me until Saturday but rather I thought something was wrong with his phone. I texted quite a few times after but eventually said I was not going to meet him after 11. With no response, I called my mom and told her what was going on. She, as well as, two of my closest friend knew I was supposed to be meeting him. They know when I am meeting anyone. It’s both for my safety and accountability and every girl meeting guys should have that in place! Especially if you are trying to not get roofied, raped, kidnapped or killed. My mom knows where and when I am going somewhere I text her and my friends before I go to meet someone and on the occasion that I actually do go on a date sometime, I will text them when I get home. This is not just to make sure I make it home alive but in my friends' case to ensure my virtue is still intact. Because if you want to date in a hookup culture you need people that care as much about you and your desire to remain pure as you do to hold you accountable, because when you are lonely and vulnerable without someone to keep you in check, it is not hard for a man to say all the right things and have you compromising your standards. All this to say that the text above was the last text I ever received from this man. But it was not the last thing I received. I have for the first time in my life had fallen in love, at least with the idea of a man that loved me for me and found me attractive and wanted to build a life and family with me. I honestly don’t know what he meant by all of this, whether it was just a game to him, a way to play with someone's heart and see what would happen, I can say this now I honestly forgive him for what he did to me, how he used me to entertain himself or whatever he was doing. Like I said nothing compromising was said, no lines were crossed in any way if they had it would have been over faster than it started.
On Saturday I woke up brokenhearted because of this man and what he had done to me. But I also woke up Openhearted to the Lord because again He had protected me from something that could have been far worse. I spent Three days falling for a guy who was little more than a storybook character with a couple of pictures, a lot of text and one phone call. I called my brother and talked to him about what had happened and asked for his perspective. Through the day I processed through the grief of what I had lost waking up from the dream of what could have been. By Sunday morning I had found my way to resolve and find the last thing I would receive from this man, a lesson. Throughout this whole experience, there were many chances for me to compromise myself by crossing a line that I would be difficult to come back from, but I didn’t. The biggest lesson I learned was this… If the intimation can feel this amazing when it is happening how much better will the real thing be when it gets here? So right now I want to say thank you to Rusty for teaching me this amazing lesson. I honestly don’t think it would have been as effective had I had to learn it any other way! This has been such a learning experience and I hope that this story can be helpful for others too.
My name is Alicia and I am 33 still a virgin, I am staying pure and keeping my heart safe all while trying to date in a hookup culture! For all the girls out there who may or may not have their virtue intact know this, you are a valuable person and should be treated like a lady with respect not being objectified to fulfill someone else’s needs. I guess that is a lot of info to close out with but I feel like it needs to be said. I will not compromise my integrity to protect my pride. Thank you for taking the time to read this whole story. It was a bit difficult to write out but I really felt like it needed to be shared. Ladies know this you are not alone! If anyone wants someone to talk to about any of this feel free to reach out on my contact form. It goes straight to me