Always Darkest Before the Light
It is funny to me that this is kinda where I find myself right now. For the last couple weeks my life has been slowly headed towards disaster. I have been amidst the perfect storm of absolute chaos in my life and because I thought I was strong enough to handle it on my own I almost crashed the ship that is my life and let it sink never to be brought back from the depth of the oceans of trouble I was trying to navigate through without a guide. I know that is a really vague and random way to describe my situation but it kinda works when you look at it from the right perspective. When I say I have been in the midst of a perfect storm I am not exaggerating. Over the last couple weeks there have been several major contributors to the storms that basically formed one big crazy complicated storm that hit me over this last weekend. Although I haven’t really done an update on here about this many of the things that have been happening are at least a little bit related to one specific thing. I will hopefully be writing a post dedicated to it in the coming weeks but I have a specific milestone that I am waiting for before I post about it so in the next two weeks at my current rate I will be posting about my recent weight loss and getting in shape journey like I said it has been a central factor because getting in shape has affected my life in ways I had never expected. On top of the effects of getting in shape and the emotional ties that were behind the weight I have been carrying around with me for more than half my life, I have been trying to date rather unsuccessful I might add but I am not one to really share those types of details of my life publicly. Not my style. But a part of the whole dating thing is the fact that I have not really dated in my life so along with the emotions and deeply personal issues I am working through with the weight now there is a lot of deep stuff tied to relationship stuff. Because when it rains it pours right?!? In my case it surely does. The photo I used is from last weekend when I had nearly lost my head I needed to get away and just think after work so I drove away from the city until I could see the stars. I decided to take some pictures. When I triggered the shutter on this shot two things happened at once… One was my camera slipped a little from the position I had it in for the shot and the second was a car drove by while the shutter was still open. It was a perfect storm of chaos and I think it truly is such a great picture for this post because it is how I feel. Full Tilt. I know that the stars have been kinda a theme in my life over the last few months. Well part of the reason is that when I sit under the stars I remember that there is so much more out there in the world that is bigger than my problems and I find solace in remembering that my problems are really small and I have the authority to change my circumstances by changing my attitude in the midst of the chaos and by making that shift I find something beautiful has come out of that shift. This last Monday I realized some of the biggest issues I was facing was that I was focusing on the wrong perspective. The Lord had to reprimand me and as a child of God I appreciate that He did because I was headed down a bad path that would have ended very badly for me. Part of my biggest issue was that I was trying to find my center, my reason for being, and the definition of who I am without taking anytime to consult with my very Creator. So when I say I was in a bad place I really mean it. I was dancing around a line I promised myself I would never cross. The results were that not only did I come dangerously close to compromising my character, I also hurt people in the process. I was becoming something I never wanted to be… All because I was being stubborn about being the only one in this journey of self discovery. Who better to help you discover who you are then the very one who created you I mean really. I know that there may be a few readers out there who don’t really believe the same as I do. Honestly that is okay by me. I know where I stand and what I believe. When I took a step back from the controls and asked for Him to step in suddenly a lot of the things that seemed to big to face on my own were so small and unimportant. I may be on this huge life-changing journey and am still miles away from the end of the line but like the title says… It is Always Darkest Before the Light!
I know that along with my weight in the next week or two my life is about to have several huge breakthroughs. I look forward to the opportunity to share those stories with you in the coming weeks.